It seems as though when i feel like things are looking up (well not like oh i have all kinds of things happening haha its more on the lines of i finally over my regret period of buying the ps4 haha) something always happens and right now the something that has happened is my tv decided it wanted to die on me which oh thank you so much you piece of shit i appreciate it so much and also our refrigerator decided to do the same thing today and now there is 2 expensive items that need to be replaced well one of them is important the other is just something that we want to not live our lifes to the fullest haha. and yes i know i should go and do more things then sit in front of the damn tv playing games and shit but i just enjoy doing that especially after getting off of work but well it seems that wont be happening for a bit unless i decided to go buy a new tv. but man thats a ton of money and i am not made of money hell i have already spent a good amount of my check on the ps4 and buying food haha and then next the refrigerator which god knows how much that will cost.
I mean i might be able to get the tv fixed but for how much? is it about the same as a new tv? i might as well buy a new tv i mean i found a pretty good one for 350ish? and its better then mine its a smart tv its has 120hz and its about the same size its actually 2 inches smaller but truthfully i dont really care anymore i mean my room is small i probably wont even notice it. But yeah i dont know if i will be able to get it this month which sucks cause like i said i just got paid literally a few days ago so i would have to wait a entire month and hopefully i dont get fucked on that check like the last 2 did.
Ok enough about the boohoos of my broken tv on to other things. I have been listening to the band Dir en Grey alot lately again and man i remember i hated there newer albums but now i am absolutely in love with them i mean sometimes its like why is this lagging about but other then that they are pretty interesting songs.
Thats all for now i am gonna try to do something right now maybe go to sleep haha
- Jon Bohn
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Im having big purchase regrets
This is a problem i have all the time i don't know why maybe there is some type of mental disease i have but every time i make a purchase over $100 dollars i always end up having regrets on it even though i have saved money for it and wanted to get it. The item i am regretting right now is the purchase of the ps4/destiny bundle. Now truthfully i wasn't gonna buy the destiny game and i really only wanted the PlayStation but i said fuck it i might as well get this for one: all my friends are gonna have the game and 2 i finally get a ps4 haha plus it was all lumped in one price so i kind of wouldnt notice.
But as always right after i bought it and put it together and start playing i start going did i make a bad decision? i mean i am not hurting for money i have a decent paying job when i work so i do have a income but i dont know i just always hate myself after it. Maybe there is a phobia or something about this and i have it i mean i have some weird phobias like if i am not buying a big thing like a tv or game system i cant buy only one thing its so weird i will go to the store and be like i need some toothpaste and as i go to the counter i am like i cant just buy this one thing so then i start frantically thinking is there something else i need? and most of the time i end up grabbing like a candy bar so i have 2 items. When i talk about it i realize it sounds dumb but for some reason i cant do it like i tried i went to the line got to the check out counter and at the last second i would grab something hell one time i bought whiskey cause i only had one thing haha........ actually i still have that whiskey its in the freezer right now. Its just so strange how i am when it comes to spending money on myself and if anyone knows me i have a ton of shit like my walls are full of DVDs, BluRay's, and games but yet every time i either hate myself or i cant just buy the one thing haha there has been so many times where i go for one DVD and left with 2-5 of them haha.
Oh yeah so right now i am regretting the damn ps4 which i know in about a month i will be like i am so glad i bought this but I'm sure for now i will hate myself so much like seriously i am feeling super depressed right now cause of this that i barely played the damn thing it was just on or paused cause i just hate myself, and at the same time i am thinking about buying the elgato hd 60 capture card so i can record some ps4 and Xbox one gameplays for my lets play channel and i have been fighting myself for the last week saying i should get it, i shouldn't get it haha and it sucks. i wish i could be like fuck it and confidant in my choices in life but i really suck at life, i always second guess almost everything. So yeah that is my problem in life right now haha what a terrible problem but i thought i would share it to my blog that no one reads haha
- Jon Bohn
But as always right after i bought it and put it together and start playing i start going did i make a bad decision? i mean i am not hurting for money i have a decent paying job when i work so i do have a income but i dont know i just always hate myself after it. Maybe there is a phobia or something about this and i have it i mean i have some weird phobias like if i am not buying a big thing like a tv or game system i cant buy only one thing its so weird i will go to the store and be like i need some toothpaste and as i go to the counter i am like i cant just buy this one thing so then i start frantically thinking is there something else i need? and most of the time i end up grabbing like a candy bar so i have 2 items. When i talk about it i realize it sounds dumb but for some reason i cant do it like i tried i went to the line got to the check out counter and at the last second i would grab something hell one time i bought whiskey cause i only had one thing haha........ actually i still have that whiskey its in the freezer right now. Its just so strange how i am when it comes to spending money on myself and if anyone knows me i have a ton of shit like my walls are full of DVDs, BluRay's, and games but yet every time i either hate myself or i cant just buy the one thing haha there has been so many times where i go for one DVD and left with 2-5 of them haha.
Oh yeah so right now i am regretting the damn ps4 which i know in about a month i will be like i am so glad i bought this but I'm sure for now i will hate myself so much like seriously i am feeling super depressed right now cause of this that i barely played the damn thing it was just on or paused cause i just hate myself, and at the same time i am thinking about buying the elgato hd 60 capture card so i can record some ps4 and Xbox one gameplays for my lets play channel and i have been fighting myself for the last week saying i should get it, i shouldn't get it haha and it sucks. i wish i could be like fuck it and confidant in my choices in life but i really suck at life, i always second guess almost everything. So yeah that is my problem in life right now haha what a terrible problem but i thought i would share it to my blog that no one reads haha
- Jon Bohn
Monday, August 18, 2014
A personal post that no one cares about!!
Well here is another one of those personal post that hell i might not even post? Who knows i am know for writing something out and then scraping it after spending lots of time on it. Its something i have done with trying to tell a girl i like them where i will write a million words on why, how other stuff why i like them then when i finish it i just select all and delete cause my shyness kicks in and I'm like i cant send that she might think I'm crazy haha.
But so this post isn't about any of that........ right now at least. This is more about just how i am feeling. Lately i have been feeling really bummed out, i don't know why? I cant really figure it out, But then again it is something that happens often to me. Then less then a week ago one of my favorite actors committed suicide and it was like really why? But then i find out he had depression and other things and it makes me think do i have depression? And then i start to wonder if i could do it? Like would life get me down so much that i could take my own life? Hell now that i also think about it i had a friend just over a year ago do the same thing and i was so surprised i would have never guessed she was depressed enough to do that. I know in my heart that i would never do that, there is to much stuff i like about living and i don't think depression could ever get me to that point. Now mind you i am not clinically depressed i just think i am but it could be white people problems? If you don't know or understand white people problems its basically that life is pretty much good (i mean my life is not fantastic there could be a lot better stuff in my life but for now i have no real complaints) and you make little things big problems like: I have this good paying job but i have this shitty car cause I'm stupid and i don't do the right thing and i just buy stupid items or games instead of something i would need to take me to where i want to go.
So yeah i am pretty sure my depression is white people problem stuff which is why i am pretty sure it would never get to a point where i would do something drastic like suicide. But i don't mean to offend anyone by that and saying other people have that and just cant deal with it, cause I'm sure there are people who lives are just awful and things just keeps happening and they feel the only way out of it is that? So yeah don't take any of this to be offensive.
Well i kind of lost track of what i was really gonna say now i ended up going on a depression rant, but anyways i have been feeling a little depressed for probably no reason at all, i know in a few days i will be fine it happens a lot but it just sucks when this feeling comes and when it does i always want to go somewhere and do something to maybe cheer myself up but it never happens cause well one i have a shitty car (yeah the above example was pretty much me haha) so i can never go to far from where i live it sucks i wish i would have bought a car instead of tons of game, DVDs, blurays, music and other random shit............ and alcohol. Holy fuck did i buy a lot of alcohol years ago i used to spend anywhere from 15-100 bucks a day on beer, or harder stuff. I think the 3 years that i was a alcoholic i could have bought 2 new cars and maybe get a nice little place. But i ended up spending it all on booze, but i mean i was young dumb and stressed at a shitty job. i thought the boozed help it just pretty much fucked me up i bet haha.
On a different note i think i will talk about women now haha, i have been interested in a couple of women lately all of them i barely talk to cause i am 2 shy and i have no clue what to talk about which sucks i am a grown ass man and i don't think i could keep a descent conversation with any of them. Most of them are smart and very beautiful and truthfully they intimidate me i pretty much don't think i am even worth there time which sucks cause technically no one can know if its true or not but i mean i just assume i am worthless and would ruin there life if i went out with them. I know i shouldn't think like that cause they say there is someone out there for everyone but sometimes i don't believe it and if there was i missed my chance or i let her go already. I know of one girl that i probably had a chance and i did think she was the most beautiful woman i ever met, but i just blew it. I let her move back to her home town without telling her my feelings and we even talked on the phone for hours on our weekends which were not regular weekends since it was a retail job and they fuck you on days off, but we would usually talk till our battery's died and this was before smart phones came out and had like 10 min battery life's haha. So yeah i think i let the one for me go and now she is married to a nice guy I'm sure and they have a little girl. which i am happy for them.
So yeah i keep talking myself out of actually getting to know these girls better and i mean we met at a wedding and we had a good time hanging out the whole night and when i say the whole night we didn't go to sleep until about 5 or 6 in the morning so yeah maybe i should take that as a hint that maybe i have a chance but i don't think it is, i mean i wasn't the only person there with her there were some others so that's why i just think that it wasn't all me that kept them there? Who knows i am sure i will never find out cause i am a punk bitch and wont ever say anything. I can already see that if i stay the way i am i will most likely die a lonely person who didn't do anything for love and just everything for myself. Even though i consider myself asexual there is still a semi romantic in me that thinks finding someone could be a good thing but truthfully there are a lot of times when i just don't see the point.
.........Oh well fuck it I'm gonna go to bed maybe tomorrow i can wake up and not feel like a whinny little bitch and do something. Who knows but oh well i will end my little blog here on a semi sad note haha I'm sure if i write like this a lot it will always end with me feeling bad for myself or being like oh i am a loser or I'm to afraid to ask someone out.
Until next time
- Jon Bohn
But so this post isn't about any of that........ right now at least. This is more about just how i am feeling. Lately i have been feeling really bummed out, i don't know why? I cant really figure it out, But then again it is something that happens often to me. Then less then a week ago one of my favorite actors committed suicide and it was like really why? But then i find out he had depression and other things and it makes me think do i have depression? And then i start to wonder if i could do it? Like would life get me down so much that i could take my own life? Hell now that i also think about it i had a friend just over a year ago do the same thing and i was so surprised i would have never guessed she was depressed enough to do that. I know in my heart that i would never do that, there is to much stuff i like about living and i don't think depression could ever get me to that point. Now mind you i am not clinically depressed i just think i am but it could be white people problems? If you don't know or understand white people problems its basically that life is pretty much good (i mean my life is not fantastic there could be a lot better stuff in my life but for now i have no real complaints) and you make little things big problems like: I have this good paying job but i have this shitty car cause I'm stupid and i don't do the right thing and i just buy stupid items or games instead of something i would need to take me to where i want to go.
So yeah i am pretty sure my depression is white people problem stuff which is why i am pretty sure it would never get to a point where i would do something drastic like suicide. But i don't mean to offend anyone by that and saying other people have that and just cant deal with it, cause I'm sure there are people who lives are just awful and things just keeps happening and they feel the only way out of it is that? So yeah don't take any of this to be offensive.
Well i kind of lost track of what i was really gonna say now i ended up going on a depression rant, but anyways i have been feeling a little depressed for probably no reason at all, i know in a few days i will be fine it happens a lot but it just sucks when this feeling comes and when it does i always want to go somewhere and do something to maybe cheer myself up but it never happens cause well one i have a shitty car (yeah the above example was pretty much me haha) so i can never go to far from where i live it sucks i wish i would have bought a car instead of tons of game, DVDs, blurays, music and other random shit............ and alcohol. Holy fuck did i buy a lot of alcohol years ago i used to spend anywhere from 15-100 bucks a day on beer, or harder stuff. I think the 3 years that i was a alcoholic i could have bought 2 new cars and maybe get a nice little place. But i ended up spending it all on booze, but i mean i was young dumb and stressed at a shitty job. i thought the boozed help it just pretty much fucked me up i bet haha.
On a different note i think i will talk about women now haha, i have been interested in a couple of women lately all of them i barely talk to cause i am 2 shy and i have no clue what to talk about which sucks i am a grown ass man and i don't think i could keep a descent conversation with any of them. Most of them are smart and very beautiful and truthfully they intimidate me i pretty much don't think i am even worth there time which sucks cause technically no one can know if its true or not but i mean i just assume i am worthless and would ruin there life if i went out with them. I know i shouldn't think like that cause they say there is someone out there for everyone but sometimes i don't believe it and if there was i missed my chance or i let her go already. I know of one girl that i probably had a chance and i did think she was the most beautiful woman i ever met, but i just blew it. I let her move back to her home town without telling her my feelings and we even talked on the phone for hours on our weekends which were not regular weekends since it was a retail job and they fuck you on days off, but we would usually talk till our battery's died and this was before smart phones came out and had like 10 min battery life's haha. So yeah i think i let the one for me go and now she is married to a nice guy I'm sure and they have a little girl. which i am happy for them.
So yeah i keep talking myself out of actually getting to know these girls better and i mean we met at a wedding and we had a good time hanging out the whole night and when i say the whole night we didn't go to sleep until about 5 or 6 in the morning so yeah maybe i should take that as a hint that maybe i have a chance but i don't think it is, i mean i wasn't the only person there with her there were some others so that's why i just think that it wasn't all me that kept them there? Who knows i am sure i will never find out cause i am a punk bitch and wont ever say anything. I can already see that if i stay the way i am i will most likely die a lonely person who didn't do anything for love and just everything for myself. Even though i consider myself asexual there is still a semi romantic in me that thinks finding someone could be a good thing but truthfully there are a lot of times when i just don't see the point.
.........Oh well fuck it I'm gonna go to bed maybe tomorrow i can wake up and not feel like a whinny little bitch and do something. Who knows but oh well i will end my little blog here on a semi sad note haha I'm sure if i write like this a lot it will always end with me feeling bad for myself or being like oh i am a loser or I'm to afraid to ask someone out.
Until next time
- Jon Bohn
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Welcome to my new blog
Hello and thanks for checking out this new blog i made, I decided to make this one to try and do some more creative writing, random personal stuff, photography, and well just about anything really. I have another blogger page called RandellMcnasty which i use to promote my videos and junk and its just getting cluttered with lets play videos that i do for youtube. So that's why i made this for a more personal journal website type feel.
I dont have much time to work on anything right now or do some random rant cause im about to leave but i thought i would make this real quick while i have a few mins so that i can remind myself hey you should work on this page more often and maybe express yourself, maybe it can help you become a better person? who knows or maybe someone might read something i wrote and be like oh man that is lovely it helped me a little bit. I dont actually think that will happen but it would be nice. Plus maybe i can learn to become a better writer.
Well anyways this is my new blogger thingy and i hope to try to use it a bit in the future and not let it disappear like i did the last one or turn it into just a hey check out my videos that are probably terrible but i don't care haha Bye
- Jon Bohn
I dont have much time to work on anything right now or do some random rant cause im about to leave but i thought i would make this real quick while i have a few mins so that i can remind myself hey you should work on this page more often and maybe express yourself, maybe it can help you become a better person? who knows or maybe someone might read something i wrote and be like oh man that is lovely it helped me a little bit. I dont actually think that will happen but it would be nice. Plus maybe i can learn to become a better writer.
Well anyways this is my new blogger thingy and i hope to try to use it a bit in the future and not let it disappear like i did the last one or turn it into just a hey check out my videos that are probably terrible but i don't care haha Bye
- Jon Bohn
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